Exposed: An Exclusive
by Talon4
Summary: Things aren't always as they seem.


Title: Exposed: An Exclusive  
Chatacter/Part: 1/1  
Author: Talon   
Disclaimer: I don't know anything but the ideas. Jerry Springer belongs to himself. So does everyone else. :)  
Spoiler: Um. Not unless someone can see into the Afterlife  
Distribution: G'head. Just let me know about it, k?  
Rating:PG  
Feedback Sure, though I expect the inferno of Hell to raise as soon as I press *Send*. :):  
Notes: I realize theire may be God-Fearing people on this list. This was not to offend any of you. I just think it takes a fun spin on the whole Garden of Eden thing. Come to think of it, my brain takes plenty of funny spins on things. So, I apologize ahead of time. And--The List Mommy let me send it. :)  
  
**********************  
(APPLAUSE)  
AUDIENCE: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!  
  
Jerry Springer: Have you ever wanted to give in to temptation? Want to indulge in the sins of the flesh? Today we have a woman who says she's done all that and it has turned out to be an eternal struggle between man and the Devil.  
  
Woman is sitting in a chair, legs crossed, wearing nothing but a fig leaf. There are boos from the audience. She stands up, making lewd gestures.  
  
Woman: All of you the shut (bleep) up! Ya'll don't know me! Ya'll don't know me!   
  
Jerry: (Trying to speak over the audience)   
Can you-can you tell us your name so the people will know who you are?  
  
Woman: My name is Eve.  
(More boos from the audience.)  
Aww, shut up! Don't judge me! Don't judge me!  
  
Jerry: (tiny smile on face) So, what's going on, Eve?  
  
Eve: Well, me and my man Adam, were chillin' in our beautiful Garden. It had this beautiful Tree in it. Which I wasn't supposed to touch.  
  
(LEWD CHANTING FROM THE AUDIENCE)  
  
Eve: Ya'll shut up. Ya'll weren't even (bleep)ing there. Ya'll don't know!   
(Eve waves at the audience)   
Eve: Anyway, there was this fine-ass dude there, right? I found out his name afterward. Lucifer. He was all, "Eve, why don't you come over here for a second, I want to talk to you." I was like, "Okay." Cause he was hella fine, right. He had this shoulder-length black hair, goatee and he was all--Well, ya'll see when he comes out.  
  
Jerry: Then what happened?  
  
Eve:(blushes) Well, Lucifer and I...Well, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were eating apples from the tree, if you know what I mean.  
  
(GASPS FROM THE AUDIENCE)  
  
Eve: Yep, we sure did.  
  
  
Jerry: So, why are you here today?  
  
Eve: I'm hear to tell Adam that Caine ain't his baby.  
  
Audience: Nasty whore! Nasty whore! Nasty Whore!  
  
Jerry: Let's hear what Adam has to say about all of this.  
  
(Applause as Adam walks out, also wearing a fig leaf)  
  
Adam:(giving a once-over to Eve) Hey, Jerry.  
  
(Isolated laughter from the audience)  
  
Jerry: Hey, Adam. Eve, why don't you tell Adam what's going on.  
  
Eve: (turning in her chair to look at Adam, taking his hand) Adam, I just wanted to tell you that I care about you and love you--  
  
(More derogatory chanting from the audience)  
  
Eve:(to Audience) Shut the (beep) up!  
  
Adam:(blank expression) I love you too.  
  
Eve: I just wanted to tell you that...::sigh:: Caine ain't your baby.  
  
Adam: (hopping out of his seat) What?!   
  
Eve: (shaking head) Caine's not your baby. He's Lucifer's.  
  
Adam: (confusion) Lucifer? That dude that was hanging by the Tree?  
  
Eve: Yeah. That's what I've been meaning to tell you. That's why we got kicked out of the Garden.  
  
Adam:(moving his chair over) What do you mean, "that's why we got kicked out the Garden?"  
  
Eve: You know Daddy said we could live in the Garden, as long as we didn't go to the Tree.  
  
Adam: Yeah..And?  
  
Eve: Well, one day I went to the Tree. Just to see what all the fuss was about. There were no apples on the tree. It was just something Daddy told us to stay away.  
  
(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)  
Eve: Well, Lucifer was there, hiding behind the tree.  
  
Adam: Get to the point, Eve.  
  
Eve: Adam, he and I...had sex under the tree. That was the temptation. Daddy made it all up. Daddy knew Lucifer was handsome--  
  
Adam: As well as conniving and slimy.  
  
Eve: That's why it was imperative that I didn't go there. Daddy called it the Tree of Knowledge. Now after going to the Tree I know why he didn't want us there. After Daddy found out he kicked us out. He said Lucifer is a devil.  
  
Adam: The.  
  
Eve: What?  
  
Adam: He's *The* Devil, Eve.  
  
Eve:(makes a disgusted face) See, that's why I didn't want to tell you. You always judge him. ::Eve faces the audience:: Caine isn't yours. He's Lucifer's.  
  
Jerry: Let's bring Lucifer out.  
  
  
(Uproarious booing as Lucifer walks out, clad in a Metallica T-shirt.)  
  
  
  
Lucifer: Sup!? ::gives Eve a deep, probing kiss. Sits down and grabs Eve's hand:: Sup, Jerry?!  
  
(Whistles from the female members of the Audience)  
  
Jerry: (to Audience) Question?  
  
(A smiling woman stands up, grabbing the microphone from Jerry.)  
  
Woman: Boy, is your last name Campbell? Cause you are "Mmm, Mmm, Good!"  
  
(Catcalls and laughter from the audience)  
  
Jerry: Why did you break up and happy home, Lucifer?  
  
Lucifer: Jerry, let me tell you something. Adam, is a wimp. He wasn't even trying to do the things necessary to please his woman.  
  
Jerry: Like what?  
  
Lucifer: He didn't even try to get her new things. He was too lazy and cheap. ::looking at Eve::: You see this fig leaf, Eve's wearing?  
  
Jerry: Yeah? So?  
  
Lucifer: It's Donna Karen.  
  
Adam: (standing up) Shut up! She's not going home with you.  
  
Lucifer:(laughing evilly) She's going home with me, Adam. Face it.  
  
(Adam charges at Lucifer throwing a couple of jaw breaking punches. Steve runs to stop the fight)  
  
Adam:(throwing final punch) You (bleep)ing (bleep)hole! I'll kick your (bleep)ing ass!  
  
Lucifer: (Yelling) You're going to Hell for that one, you lil' bitch!  
  
Adam: (arms out, challanging) Do it! Do it!  
  
(Adam suddenly bursts into flames, resulting in gasps and boo's from the audience)  
  
Lucifer:(sits down, re-claming Eve's hand) Don't ever underestimate me. I don't (bleep)ing bluff!  
  
Jerry: Eve, what doesn't your father have to say about all of this?  
  
Eve: I talk to my father everyday, but he keeps saying "He may have your body, but I have your soul." Like that's suppose to scare me.  
  
Jerry: It should. He's on the phone. Let's welcome "God" to the show.  
  
(CHEERING FROM THE AUDIENCE)  
  
Man:(voice nearly drowned out by phone static) Hey Jerry.  
  
Jerry: "God", we have your daugther here, with her boyfriend Lucifer.  
  
"God": I see that Jerry.  
  
Jerry: Oh yeah. The "All Knowing" thing. What do you have to say about all this?  
  
"God": He's just using Eve, cause I kicked him out of the Kingdom. He's using her for a place to stay.  
  
Lucifer: Oh, (bleep) you, you self-righteous bastard!  
  
"God" As of right now, your not allowed to set foot on the Earth until the Apocolypse. I'm locking you out of Earth.  
  
Lucifer: (laughing) You wouldn't.  
  
(Lucifer disappears into thin air, leaving a cloud of smoke behind.)  
  
(MORE GASPS FROM THE AUDIENCE, PEOPLE START TO EXIT)  
  
"God": Eve?  
  
Eve: Yes, Daddy?  
  
"God": You're coming home.  
  
Eve: Daddy! You can't make--  
  
(Eve disappears)  
  
Jerry::sitting on stool for Final Thoughts:: I supppose I should say, What goes around comes around. And never use the term, "Go to Hell" lightly. Take care of yourself.....And each other.  
  
  
The End 


End file.
